That's a Rap or That's a Wrap

Golden Hippo Award

By Jeremy Dannebohm

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve created a new award: the Golden Hippo. Something tells me I’m going to be handing out a lot of them. The criteria are fairly simple: the award is given to clergy, who by making blatantly hypocritical statements, leave the faithful shaking their heads in confusion. 

The inaugural recipient of the Golden Hippo Award is none other than Cardinal Blaise Cupich. 

Back in December, Cardinal Cupich announced severe restrictions on sacred tradition, banning the Traditional Latin Mass on Christmas, Easter Sunday, and other major feast days. His announcement also strictly prohibited traditional sacraments and offering the mass ad orientem. 

“The intention of these requirements is to foster and make manifest the unity of this local Church, as well as to provide all Catholics in the Archdiocese an opportunity to offer a concrete manifestation of the acceptance of the teaching of the Second Vatican Council and its liturgical books,” noted Cupich. 

In the letter he sent to priests accompanying the document, Cupich used the latest USCCB catch phrase that makes my flesh crawl: Eucharistic revival. 

"My intention in sharing this policy is to encourage you to reflect on the duty we each must assist our people in this moment of Eucharistic revival by rediscovering the value of the liturgical reform in the rites given to us by the Second Vatican Council," Cupich wrote in an accompanying letter to priests. 

It doesn’t take a seasoned theologian to understand the true “intentions” behind his actions. Blogger Maureen Mullarkey observed: 

Cupich’s war on liturgical traditions is, at base, an assault on the catechetical traditions embedded in liturgy. Among those traditions is strict reservation of the Eucharist for those qualified by two indispensable preconditions: faith in the meaning of the Eucharist and fidelity to the Church’s moral norms. Exclusionary restriction serves a distinct, civic purpose. It reminds all and sundry of the ancient understanding that the Church is in the world but not of it. 

But that unfashionable reminder is out of sync with the pretensions—and ambitions—of Pope Francis’s court eunuchs. God and Caesar hold hands these days. And they can do it openly on the cordial turf of the average Novus Ordo. By contrast, the venerable Tridentine Mass, with its solemn atmosphere of reverence—a prompt to awe—inhibits mundane geniality. Ceremonial decorum puts a brake on nonchalant impiety. And on the use of it for political theatre. 

On February 3rd, 2022, Cardinal Cupich tweeted: 

“A great blessing to celebrate the 1050th anniversary of the feast of St. Blase in Dubrovnik, Croatia, today and preach on the importance of Tradition.” 

Cardinal Cupich preaching on the importance of tradition makes about as much sense as Jeffrey Dahmer discussing the health benefits of being a vegetarian. 

Thus, I can't think of a better individual to receive the first Golden Hippo Award than His Eminence, Blaise Cupich. 

A day later, fully embracing the “spirit” of the Golden Hippo, Cupich was back to promoting the company catch phrases when he tweeted: 

“By walking together, & together reflecting on the journey made, the Church will be able to learn from what it will experience which processes can help it to live communion, to achieve participation, to open itself to mission." 

To be completely honest, I have no idea what that means. Then again, I didn’t know the word “synodality” existed it until Bergoglio decided it was a word. Incidentally, my spell check still maintains it’s not a real word. 

Speaking of statements that make absolutely no sense, Cardinal Jean-Claude Hollerich left me scratching my head last week when he said, “The pope has nothing against conservatives if they learn from life." 

I’m still trying to figure that one out. 

Another statement that made virtually no sense last week: 

“We’re going to talk about Pop Smoke. We’re going to talk about Kanye. We’re going to talk about Kim Kardashian. We’re going to talk about everything under the sun, and Cardi B.” 

That’s a quote from the newly appointed auxiliary bishop of New York, Joseph Espaillat — a podcaster, who apparently has a lot to “talk” about. Though none of which is relevant to the Church. 

A featured speaker at Steubenville Youth Conferences (that should tell you everything), Espaillat says that he loves ministering the sacraments, playing softball and basketball, writing poetry and rapping. 

Of course, he does. 

When news spread that the Notorious R.E.V. was named an auxiliary bishop, armchair theologians were quick criticize Bergoglio’s appointment. Make no mistake, I’m quick to give the Holy Father credit where it’s due. Bishop-elect Espaillat, however, is not exactly his fault. 

Like the assault on sacred tradition and the Synod on Synodality, Bergoglio is merely bringing to fruition the work of his forerunner, Karol Wojtyła. The “pizza party” generation formed by JPII are coming of age. Ready or not, the World Youth Day generation are taking their ranks in the hierarchy. It’s the same generation that only 30% of which believe in the Real Presence. While they may not be properly catechized on the Holy Eucharist, the JPII generation can belt out Dana Scallon’s “We are One Body” by heart. 

Safe to say that Wojtyła was forming a generation that would unknowingly aid Bergoglio in ushering in the church of man, a “synodal,” “listening” church. Now, as that generation takes their seats among the Princes of the Church, they will certainly spread that toxic “feel good” agenda to yet another generation of youth. And just think, some day one of them will be made pope. 

When it comes to the corruption of youth, the Holy See has a lot riding on the Synod. Bergoglio devotee, Massimo Faggioli, recently raised the question, “Why aren’t colleges more involved in the synod?” 

Not to worry. The Holy Father aims to remedy the problem by hosting a Zoom meeting with college students in preparation for the synod. Wow! That's totally radical, Your Holiness. 

“I am honored to share news of an historic event involving Pope Francis as he reaches out directly in dialogue with young people across the Americas, facilitated by Loyola University Chicago faculty,” said Jo Ann Rooney, president of Loyola University-Chicago. 

Okay, boomer. 

There is hope, though. By the grace of God, not all young people are impressed by rapping bishops or papal zoom calls. 

Gregory DiPippo responded magnificently to Maximum Beans’ question regarding the youth involvement in the Synod. The fact that there are more and more young people embracing tradition cannot be denied. Dr. Peter Kwasniewski, recently reviewed an excellent new book from TAN Publications entitled, “Ever Ancient, Ever New: Why Younger Generations are Embracing Traditional Catholicism” that attests to the reality that the post-conciliar Church fails to satisfy the spiritual appetites of numerous young Catholics. 

As I’ve said before, back in the 1980’s and 90’s, the Holy See aspired to meet youth “where they were” in music and manner of worship. That schtick is as pathetic and outdated as the Second Vatican Council itself. When young people needed manna, the Church gave them pizza. 

And look where it got them. 

I maintain that the synod and the USCCB’s “Eucharistic Revival” are tired attempts to create a saccharin, all inclusive, non-offensive bastardization of the True Faith. In other words: Protestantism. 

When he was found guilty of “impiety” and “corrupting the young”, Socrates was sentenced to death, and then required to carry out his own execution by consuming a deadly potion of the poisonous plant hemlock. The Catholic Church isn’t Jonestown. We’re not forced to drink the Kool-Aid being passed around in the form of traditionis custodes and the Synod. 

It’s long past the time that we let hypocritical cardinals, rapping bishops, papal pizza parties, and relativism wither on the conciliar vine that bore them. 

That's a rap, or that's a wrap? The next generation of Catholics are counting on us. 

Pax tecum. 


JERRY DANNEBOHM is a freelance writer and traditional Catholic. Perhaps best known for his Erasmus-like observations of modernism, his areas of expertise also include Eastern Christianity, Mariology, eschatology, the writings of Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich and Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre. All too acquainted with controversy and attacks, Dannebohm is quick to defend those disenfranchised by the post-conciliar Church and modernism in general. He resides in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains on Lake Monticello in Virginia.

February 7, 2022 - 12:18pm

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